Dancing into the unknown

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She was young. Her whole life was ahead of her.
Her eyes sparkled with the possibilities that lay ahead.

A flower girl, a nurse, a doctor, a wife, a mother.
These were a few of her wistful dreams.

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She danced and she spun in the sunshine
and she laughed with un-abandoned joy.

She laughed at the days to come.
Because to her, life was simple and she enjoyed it to the fullest.

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She dreamed, big colorful dreams.
Dreams of adventure, dreams of a life lived fully.

And as she danced and her eyes sparkled blue,
I saw the dreams of every little girl… Being fulfilled.

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To be loved, cherished,
valued and accepted.

To have the admiration
of those closest to her.

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I saw joy in her eyes,
joy from being accepted.

And because of that, her love for life
pulsated out of every graceful move.

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I saw the way she noticed the little details in life
and loved the sacred, everyday moments.

She held life carefully in her hands
with a reverence and awe that inspired me to do the same.

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I saw the way she danced and smiled her way into the future.
Savoring strawberries, one bite at a time.

Smelling the flowers and listening to the whisper of the wind
as she sat still, still for a moment on her Grandmother’s porch.

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I saw beauty and bravery dancing together in her young life,
as she faced the growing years of her life with joy, with simplicity.

What I saw in her, gave me the bravery
to step out and join this beautiful dance that we call life…

To dance into the unknown.

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A journey through grief

Life seemed to melt
As humbly I knelt
On the edge of a shore
Where I’d been before…

…At dawn, or was it dusk?

Sadness prevails
Which only unveils
The reason I’ve come
To this place once again

Moonlit reflections
Pose as faint recollections
Of happiness in times past
I wonder, why didn’t it last?

Questions haunt me
Like memories, flaunting glee
With past joys emerging as history
A dread for the future creeps in

Bewildered I sit there
Reminiscing his being here
Wondering why he was taken
And not I

Shivering cold
Desperately trying to hold
The pieces of this fragile life
Together

I grasp at the wind
Wishing it would lend
Some carefree
With grief-wasted me

Moments drag long
And I have no song
Years slip right past
In a blur of cherished lasts

Hope steadily alights
After many dark nights
I desperately try to write 
Until finally, I give up the fight

Slowly, and unsure
Unknowingly, I find its allure
Out with darkness
I bask in lights’ caress.

Tears, they still flow
But I undergo
A changed heart and mind
As truth slowly unwinds.

Grief and joy have intertwined.

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Written in memory of my handsome brother, Isaac Nathan Coates (1989-2008) who we miss more than words can say.